What did I do!

This guy I’ve been hanging around with started having feelings for me and truthfully I had feelings for him too. I work with him at Mcdonalds and at first it was just me and him fighting playfully and talking but then things kinda go weird. I’m not one to enter any sort of relationship but I guess I just wanted a change. I really like this guy but I’m terrified I’m going to wake up and hate my life situation and take it out on him. I know I will but I don’t want to, I finally have feelings for someone and I’m scared he’s gonna not want to be with me once he sees my crazy side. I just can’t deal with social interactions like this. I’m honestly not mentally stable for that at all. I just don’t wanna hurt anyone but in the end I always do. Right now I’m stable but sometimes I get into stages where I shut everyone out and have to take personal time just to myself and I feel like he won’t understand that. Years ago I promised myself I wouldn’t do this and here I go again trying to hold a relationship but I don’t know if I’ll change personalities or not. It’s like I switch people, suddenly and my personality is totally different. I just hope I don’t mess this up because if I do I’ll never forgive myself. I WON’T hurt this one, he’s different. It’s like I’m addicted to this pain, I feel a connection then go for it then I feel torn down and lose myself and run away. I just wanna know what’s right to do, my morals are completely wrong in every way and he’s starting to realize who I really am and if he doesn’t like my other sides I know it’s going to have to end but I really like this guy, he’s so perfect and sweet and the funniest guy ever. He play fights with me and takes care of me, I don’t wanna loose someone as special as him. My only solace is knowing that it’s going well now, I honestly wish I wasn’t this way.